Friday, September 9, 2011

Learning to Love ME

Those of you that know me well, know that my brain is my own worst enemy. It does a very good job of making me feel like a nobody, a failure, or think that I'm just not good enough. Recently I have been going to therapy... yes I said it, THERAPY!! At first I wanted to hide the fact that I needed the help but now I am proud of myself for taking that giant step. I want to do everything I can to be the best me I can, to be happy and healthy, and to love myself for who I am.

This week's session was an extremely difficult one. Usually while sitting down, talking my feelings out I have LOTS to say.... but not this time. I was asked to list things I loved about myself. Now, when asked this, most would be able to ramble on but not me.... I sat there almost in disgust that I would have to do this, eyes wide with shock, and silence for about 5-7 minutes. I had absolutely nothing to say and until my tears started pouring down my cheeks, I had NO idea what to say or do. I didn't want to say one word because all I could come up with were things that I would love to change about myself.

That night I went to bed feeling horrible.... how could I possibly not have one positive thing to say about myself. I was given the assignment to make a list of all the things I love about me and things that make me happy... not only to write it down but to post it somewhere I can be proud of and look at daily.... so i thought the best way for me to shout out my LOVE for me, would be here!!!

Things I LOVE about me....

1. I love my eyes.... sometimes I feel like they are my best feature...big, bold, and a crazy hazel color

2. I love my laugh... I've been told many times it sounds like a chipmunk but for some reason I love it

3. I love my determination

4. I love the fact that I always want to be helping someone

5. I love the fact that at heart, I am still a little girl... i love pink, love disney movies, and definitely act like a princess sometimes

6. I love the fact that I mother all my guy friends.... I have this need to give them advice.... especially on girls... haha i guess they are all more like my brothers and I'm sure it gets annoying to them, but i love it

7. I love the fact that I dream big and as soon as I love myself, will go for those dreams

8. I now love the fact that I can admit when I need help


Things that make me HAPPY...

1. My amazing husband John....he is always there for me during the rough times and always knows how to calm me down
2. My puppy Chloe... she is the CUTEST thing ever... yesterday my mom, aunt, and cousin made fun of me because they think I baby her too much!

3. My best friend, Courtney.... I love being able to talk, gossip, and hang out with her!

4. My cousin London.... growing up we were the best of friends and although as we got older we drifted apart, I still love being with her. I have missed her more than she knows!!!

5. Someone I feel like I need to tell them how much I admire, is my mom... she is the most amazing woman I know. She has put up with SO much from me, been there for me in the hard times, and has accepted me for me. I LOVE YOU MOM!

6. Most of all.... I love my family.... ALL of them!!! I don't know what I would do without them!!!

Learning to Love ME has not been easy... and I'm sure it will continue to be hard at times but I am definitely on my way!!!


  1. Me and my family love you! You should also love your clothes, your's so thick and perfect, you are always so tan, you are so pretty and you are so fun to be around! There I thought that was easy so next time ask me and I will remind you of all of these things!!! ;) see you this weekend!

  2. Amanda,
    HI!!! Holy smokes I haven't talked to you for ages but it's been so fun to somewhat catch up on your life through your blog. You are beautiful babe. Just reading this post made me miss you...Yes, your big, beautiful eyes, your chipmunk laugh (totally!), watching disney movies with you, etc. I'm so glad to hear that you are happily married. John looks like a great guy. I honestly do think of you often and the countless memories I have with you and of course...every October 21st. Can you believe we are almost 26??? CRAZY! It seems like just yesterday we were wearing our red, wool matching vests and going to lunch with our mom's to Zuka Juice on our bday! xoxo

  3. I love this post and you!! :) You are such a good friend. (I think you forgot to mention that one) Good for you for taking care of yourself! You're amazing girl! :)

  4. i love you amanda! you are perfect just the way you are! i have always looked up to you and i think you are just an amazing person. you are so strong. love you lots! always have and always will.

  5. Amanda, so proud of you/happy for you! What a HUGE step! You ARE amazing and I sure love you. You helped me through many rough times in the MTC and were such a blessing in my life! Just so you know, you are beautiful both inside and out and I love and respect you so much!!!